Flakey Blogging or Did I Say “Post a WEEK?!”

During my career days, there was so much to do. I had this unwavering commitment to doing it all and doing it well.  Most of my tasks and projects seemed to be assigned by other people. I just fell in line; I worked hard; I met deadlines.  My bosses loved me – I was an overachiever and proud of it!  I was Responsible – you-could-count-on-me!  Perhaps some younger workers have the wisdom to be crafters of their own lives, and understand that everything one does IS a choice, but that did not describe me.  I was so darned busy and trying to not disappoint, that I was somewhat living by default (which is a choice too, by the way.)  Sort of a victim of my own life!

Between working 40-60 hour weeks and raising two kids, it seemed as if there was no time to just stop and consider:

What the heck I was doing,
Or if I even liked it,
Or if liking it was even an option.

But there is something about retirement for me –  a certain freedom and relaxation that I enjoy.  Ah, e-x-h-a-l-e!

The beauty of life and choices has opened up to me since I’ve come up for air.  It is oh-so-refreshing after those suffocating to-do-lists and thousands of day-planner pages of my past busy-organized-work-life that seems a lifetime ago.  Now the world is my oyster – the variety of choices is limitless!  I’ve been like a kid in a candy store – wanting to sample it all.  Like Forest Gump and his box of chocolates, I sample the this and the that of life. Sometimes I want some more, sometimes less or not at all, sometimes I binge, other times I take a break, or change direction and leave the box of chocolates behind, half eaten.  Or sometimes I feel like that fabled centipede, not knowing which leg to move next!

I love that finally this is my time to discover and choose what I really want to do each moment.  It was always time to do that, but I just didn’t know.

The flip side is sometimes now I make commitments, and then maybe I flake out.  And I have discovered that being flakey is OK!  I hardly ever allowed myself that freedom before – to admit that a direction isn’t what I want and just say no to it.  And yes, maybe to disappoint.

Sometimes even now – nearly 10 years into retirement, when I commit to something long-term, a certain anxiety seems to take over and cause me to pull back.  Maybe it’s just proving to myself that I haven’t lost my newfound and relished freedom.  I am learning to slow down on making long-term or open-ended engagements.  I’m quite sure that is what my anxiety is trying to teach me.  I need to keep my options open for now.  I suspect many retirees discover this.

But what does this have to do with blogging?

I committed to post a blog every week for the rest of this year.  At the time I undertook the challenge, I thought, “Easy.  I can do this every day!”  And it IS easy, and I COULD do it every day, and I EVEN LIKE IT!  My writing quality varies and even that’s OK with me.

But when the sun is out, or friends beckon, or the dog wants a walk, or the garden desires a trimming, or I want to read a book, or …

Well, sometimes I just don’t feel like blogging.       

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